Teaching Self Control

Self Control - what is that exactly? Well, I can tell you it's not something that the popular press talks about very often, although it's actually a very important character quality to have. It's one of those things that no one wants to work on, but everyone expects you to show. I don't see a lot of celebrities, political leaders or even teachers and businessmen exhibiting self control in their eating, their sexual habits, their speech or their actions. I have seen some extremists show un-natural self control in their dieting or exercising or abstension from certain "pleasures". The Bible talks a lot about self control; or rather, having the Spirit of God be in control of our lives. But mostly I think about self control as your ability to be in control of yourself; no matter what the situation or climate may be.

Well, if you're hoping I will tell you how to teach self control, or how I inspired it in my children, you will be sadly disappointed at this entry. These days I feel like I demonstrate very little self control, as I try again, and again, and again to teach it to my children. It's one of those snowball effects, you know? You are trying to teach them self control when they are in a rage or doing something inappropriate, and so you're already upset or on the edge. I have to keep telling myself that the best way to teach self control, is to show it. Show it. Dig down deep and be the adult.

I know you can't believe that a 2 and 4 year old would need any coaching in their lack of self control. The girl, who is older, needs to gain some control of her whining and bossing - yuck! Who wants to play with that? And all of the sudden, sometimes her mommy voice comes out and she's screaming commands at Luke. Control is the name of her game.

The boy needs to control just about every action he does. He is the epitome of un-controlled - NOT necessarily always in a bad way, just in little-two-year-old-boy way. He jumps when you say sit, he runs when you say walk, he wacks just about anyone or anything in his way. Passion play is his way right now.

So, how do I start to infuse this completely foreign idea into their brains. Well...
- I talk about it. I repeat over and over again, what is acceptable and what is not.
- I encourage them to do the right thing, and I praise them when they show self-control.
- We sing the "fruit of the spirit" song; it reminds them that self control is something that God wants for them too
- I try to give them ways to express their anger in a controlled way (walking away, using words, appropriate physical actions)
- I try to exhibit self control in my own life
- I try to show grace when they fail, because this is a super hard lesson to learn!

Just think what self control may one day help them accomplish. It could help them complete their studies in high school or college. It could help them find a successful job. It could do big things protect their marriages, their family's future and their reputation, and it could do small things like help them stay healthy and happy with their person. Self control really is one of those things you need all day long.