Last Sunday was Lydia's second AWANA meeting. Our home church does not offer AWANA, so we found a program at a small Baptist church,that is literally one minute from our house. Nathan took her to the first meeting, and this time it was my turn to take her and drop her off.
I didn't realize how hard that would be for me! Lydia has always been pretty social, and she rarely gets upset about being left in nursery, or at a friend's house (she did when she was an infant of course!) As for AWANA, she has seemed very excited about being part of it, and she had a great first meeting. Nathan stayed with her the whole time, as she had never been part of a group where you have to line-up, follow large group instructions, etc. We also didn't know the teachers or the church, so we definitely felt it was our parental right to check everything out.
She was pretty excited for her second Sunday as well. It runs from 5-7pm, and the cute little old ladies make a small dinner for all the kids. The first time they made homemade Mac N Cheese, and Lydia was convinced that they said they would have Mac N Cheese each time. She was delighted to find out that their dinner repertoire also includes corn dogs. :) My plan was to stay with her through the meal; to help her feel comfortable, and so I could check out the teachers and church setting too.
As I sat there watching Lydia eat, I just felt like she was so little. She didn't know anyone, although a few sweet girls said "hi" to her. And she was just so innocent and naive - I started to think about all of the bad things that could happen. What if a kid was mean to hear or said something inappropriate? What if her teachers didn't watch out for her and she got lost?
Then my mind started to jump to the really big possibilities - what if one of the teachers has a bad background with children, or what if the church catches fire? What if a gunman comes into the church - they had none of the doors locked. These things may seem to silly to you, especially if you aren't a parent. But once I realized that I literally was letting my child be in the complete care of another person - a near stranger - I started to fear even the one-in-a-million-chance dangers.
I actually ended-up staying for the little flag ceremony after the meal, because Lydia asked me to. It was nice to have her ask me to stay; it reminded me that she is little, and she still needs/wants me. As I pulled out of the parking lot, I mainly thought about the "real fears" of leaving her there alone. I would miss her. I wouldn't get to see 2 hours of her life. She would have a life experience without me, and I was sad. I knew in my heart that I really didn't have anything to worry about; but instead, this was just the start of a lot of letting go. And yes, I went home and cried.
Have I ever mentioned that she's never going to school, or youth group, or college, or getting married? :)
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